Tomorrow is what would have been my graduation day from nursing school. I am planning to go to the ceremony, but I will not be one of the names called. My final round has been slightly delayed.
I have spent a lot of the past couple of months comforting people on MY failure to complete school this semester. It is really ok. I am in a different place. I have been here before. This degree will be another notch on my belt, and I am already in the works of setting up the next one.
I am truly, 100% ok with all of this. I have worn the silly outfit and posed for pitcures. My name has been mispronounced and I have shaken hands with big wigs of the colleges I attended. My previous diplomas are packed away and their evidence is accessed only in the form of an occasional transcript request.
I am, however, so proud of the individuals who WILL have their names mispronounced, while shaking hands in a silly outfit tomorrow. For many of my nursing schoolmates, this is their first time as a college graduate. They will officially be able to refer to themselves as college graduates. And that is what tomorrow is all about.
It is not about the long nights of studying and countless hours spent scouring patient charts. It is not about passing all of the exams and jumping through hoops and attending seminars. It is about the pride that went into it and your final prize, your diploma.
And my unsolicited advice to all of them?? Enjoy the day. Remember that it is not all about you, but also the family and friends who loved and supported you through it. While this day feels HUGE right now, it will eventually fade into a distant memory. But nobody can ever take this away from you. You earned it. You persevered through what you may have at times considered impossible.
Finally, this is ONLY a beginning. No matter where your journey to here began, this day is not the end of anything. It is a new beginning and a new journey lies ahead. I hope the journey is smooth and leads where you hoped it would. But always remember, no matter what, you did THIS.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Time
I called my husband in a panic this morning after a chiropractor appointment. You see, the good dr told me it would take time to fix my back...and I freaked!! You mean, you won't just adjust me and fix me NOW?! What is wrong with you?!
He recommended a therapy that would last 5-6 weeks and I may actually feel worse before I feel better. WHAT?! NO! I don't have time for this. So I left, and frantically phoned my husband who told me to go back to our family doc, get a second opinion and we'd go from there. How did he say that like it is ok???? I yelled/cried to him that I won't be able to go back today, and then they will order studies that will take time...I don't have time for that?!
And what if this and what if that? And the house is a mess and I can't clean it because of my back...and what if I can't work? This was the worst one...to which he responded, 'take this one thing at a time. you're jumping all over the place.' And I had nothing to say back to that. All my ranting and raving, and it NEVER occurred to me to take this one 'thing' at a time.
Some people in my life will tell me I just take on too much. Or that I need to slow down. Or that I need to appreciate what I have. 'Smell the roses,' my mom says....but that's not me. It is like taking someone who is critically shy and handing them a microphone in a crowded room. They are going to panic. That is just them.
When you tell me I am being forced to slow down, I panic. So, I started to calm down, made myself a list and made some phone calls. Doctor ordered a test which will be done tomorrow and new meds to help in the meantime. I am ok with that. I feel like I am about to embark on a wild ride, but am humbled by 'take one thing at a time.'
Perhaps it is time for that adult-onset ADHD testing too...
He recommended a therapy that would last 5-6 weeks and I may actually feel worse before I feel better. WHAT?! NO! I don't have time for this. So I left, and frantically phoned my husband who told me to go back to our family doc, get a second opinion and we'd go from there. How did he say that like it is ok???? I yelled/cried to him that I won't be able to go back today, and then they will order studies that will take time...I don't have time for that?!
And what if this and what if that? And the house is a mess and I can't clean it because of my back...and what if I can't work? This was the worst one...to which he responded, 'take this one thing at a time. you're jumping all over the place.' And I had nothing to say back to that. All my ranting and raving, and it NEVER occurred to me to take this one 'thing' at a time.
Some people in my life will tell me I just take on too much. Or that I need to slow down. Or that I need to appreciate what I have. 'Smell the roses,' my mom says....but that's not me. It is like taking someone who is critically shy and handing them a microphone in a crowded room. They are going to panic. That is just them.
When you tell me I am being forced to slow down, I panic. So, I started to calm down, made myself a list and made some phone calls. Doctor ordered a test which will be done tomorrow and new meds to help in the meantime. I am ok with that. I feel like I am about to embark on a wild ride, but am humbled by 'take one thing at a time.'
Perhaps it is time for that adult-onset ADHD testing too...
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Simple
My 6 year-old is pretty well-traveled for his age. He has been to Jamaica, Disney, San Diego, skiing in Colorado and most of the east coast. But you know what is awesome?? That he told me today was 'the best day of my life!'
Today was a random teacher in-service day, and I wanted to do something fun. I had several plans in mind, but have been laid up with a pulled back muscle which made me reign in the idea of a trip to the beach or Philly. So, I looked fairly local and decided on a teeny tiny zoo and the ever popular (free) Herrs Factory Tour.
Now, mind you, this kid has been to the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park. We stayed in a 'savannah view' room at the Animal Kingdom lodge in Disney with giraffes and zebras grazing feet from our balcony. The zoo we went to today is a little hole-in-the-wall zoo that is perfect for little ones who like to feed the animals. The 'reptile house' consists of a little room with a few aquarium tanks in it. But he loved it. He walked alongside cage-free peacocks, fed goats, sheep and prairie dogs (MY personal favorite,) and stared in awe at a 20 ft/200 pound Burmese python.
We killed the zoo in about an hour, admired an ordinary duck in an ordinary pond, and headed to the Herrs factory, which happened to be on our way home. We caught a tour, and grabbed hot dogs along with our free chips for lunch. We picked out some snacks to take home from the gift shop (I am curious what is wrong with my 'OOPS!' pretzel nuggets, but at 50 cents a bag, I got 4) and headed home. He even cooperated with me when I wanted to stop at the grocery store to grab something to make for dinner.
I loved this time with him. We lead such chaotic, expensive lives...it was nice to take pleasure in something so simple. And the fact that he truly enjoyed it was just perfect. I even reasoned with him in the gift shops at both places. He wanted to buy something, and couldn't even think of what he could possibly want. He found a plush stuffed potato at Herrs that he felt he couldn't live without, and I asked him what he would do with it. He said 'nothing' and put it back without any further prompting. Wow!
Today, I feel like I have done something right in raising my kid. Even though he has had some pretty grand adventures and can navigate airport security like a seasoned business traveler, he still takes pride and interest in simple activities. He was engaged in the factory tour, listened to descriptions about animals and learned a bit about endangered species...He was genuinely interested. And that makes me proud. Not only of him, but of myself.
Today was a random teacher in-service day, and I wanted to do something fun. I had several plans in mind, but have been laid up with a pulled back muscle which made me reign in the idea of a trip to the beach or Philly. So, I looked fairly local and decided on a teeny tiny zoo and the ever popular (free) Herrs Factory Tour.
Now, mind you, this kid has been to the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park. We stayed in a 'savannah view' room at the Animal Kingdom lodge in Disney with giraffes and zebras grazing feet from our balcony. The zoo we went to today is a little hole-in-the-wall zoo that is perfect for little ones who like to feed the animals. The 'reptile house' consists of a little room with a few aquarium tanks in it. But he loved it. He walked alongside cage-free peacocks, fed goats, sheep and prairie dogs (MY personal favorite,) and stared in awe at a 20 ft/200 pound Burmese python.
We killed the zoo in about an hour, admired an ordinary duck in an ordinary pond, and headed to the Herrs factory, which happened to be on our way home. We caught a tour, and grabbed hot dogs along with our free chips for lunch. We picked out some snacks to take home from the gift shop (I am curious what is wrong with my 'OOPS!' pretzel nuggets, but at 50 cents a bag, I got 4) and headed home. He even cooperated with me when I wanted to stop at the grocery store to grab something to make for dinner.
I loved this time with him. We lead such chaotic, expensive lives...it was nice to take pleasure in something so simple. And the fact that he truly enjoyed it was just perfect. I even reasoned with him in the gift shops at both places. He wanted to buy something, and couldn't even think of what he could possibly want. He found a plush stuffed potato at Herrs that he felt he couldn't live without, and I asked him what he would do with it. He said 'nothing' and put it back without any further prompting. Wow!
Today, I feel like I have done something right in raising my kid. Even though he has had some pretty grand adventures and can navigate airport security like a seasoned business traveler, he still takes pride and interest in simple activities. He was engaged in the factory tour, listened to descriptions about animals and learned a bit about endangered species...He was genuinely interested. And that makes me proud. Not only of him, but of myself.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
3 days
I have been out of commission since Sunday when I suddenly and randomly threw my back out. When it was not better by Monday morning, I went to my doctor....I am not one to sit around and not get help. She gave me some meds and said if I wasn't better in 3 days, I should call them. 3 DAYS!!!
Does she know how long 3 days is??? That is an exorbitantly long time for me!!! I asked her if I could 'push through' the pain as I can tolerate it and her response was 'if it hurts, don't do it.' So by that standard I cannot walk or stand. UGH!!!!
While I am feeling somewhat better today, feeling more stiff than in pain, I am going to heed the warning of 'if it hurts, don't do it,' as I cannot afford to get worse.
So 3 days of laundry I was already behind on piles up, husband is losing hours at work since he took the day off to drive me to the doctor and is currently being dad taxi for our son, we have no real food in our house because I was going to grocery shop on Monday, AND I'm bored. I JUST finished school, so I have no reading to catch up on, no test to study for...I could fun read or watch TV, but apparently the luster of sitting and doing these things fizzles after day 1. And my Kindle battery is dead and I can't bend to plug it in :(
Unfortunately, I am no stranger to debilitating injury. A reconstructive foot surgery a few summers ago laid me up for months. Not to mention the previous fractures that put me in cast and crutches and lead to the surgery. But once I overcame all of that, I looked forward to good health and fitness. Nursing school derailed that notion, and I was just now getting back into my groove. And I am a horrible patient. A wretched, nasty, mean patient who is not pleased with anything anyone does under the guise of 'help.' I want to do everything myself. A weakness and a strength, in my opinion ;)
The theme of my day today feels lazy and BLEH! and I just want to get better. I wish I could have an outlook of short vs long term, but the right now feels like forever. Here's to getting better and staying that way...in 3 days or less!
Does she know how long 3 days is??? That is an exorbitantly long time for me!!! I asked her if I could 'push through' the pain as I can tolerate it and her response was 'if it hurts, don't do it.' So by that standard I cannot walk or stand. UGH!!!!
While I am feeling somewhat better today, feeling more stiff than in pain, I am going to heed the warning of 'if it hurts, don't do it,' as I cannot afford to get worse.
So 3 days of laundry I was already behind on piles up, husband is losing hours at work since he took the day off to drive me to the doctor and is currently being dad taxi for our son, we have no real food in our house because I was going to grocery shop on Monday, AND I'm bored. I JUST finished school, so I have no reading to catch up on, no test to study for...I could fun read or watch TV, but apparently the luster of sitting and doing these things fizzles after day 1. And my Kindle battery is dead and I can't bend to plug it in :(
Unfortunately, I am no stranger to debilitating injury. A reconstructive foot surgery a few summers ago laid me up for months. Not to mention the previous fractures that put me in cast and crutches and lead to the surgery. But once I overcame all of that, I looked forward to good health and fitness. Nursing school derailed that notion, and I was just now getting back into my groove. And I am a horrible patient. A wretched, nasty, mean patient who is not pleased with anything anyone does under the guise of 'help.' I want to do everything myself. A weakness and a strength, in my opinion ;)
The theme of my day today feels lazy and BLEH! and I just want to get better. I wish I could have an outlook of short vs long term, but the right now feels like forever. Here's to getting better and staying that way...in 3 days or less!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Accomplished
It has been an arduous 2 years....it is an understatement to say nursing school is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But I am getting it done...the hard part is over. For 2 years, I have gone to bed many a night with butterflies in my stomach and nerves of limp spaghetti, as I waited for another dreaded exam to be thrown my way. Today, I took my last one. All I face now is a final round of clinical in the fall semester, and pass my boards and my journey to RN is complete.
Today is a day of greatly mixed emotions for me. I am thrilled to be where I am, yet sad for where I could be all at the same time. See, this was supposed to be the final hurdle, and it is not. And while the choices I have made have helped me to get where I stand today, they also hold me back from realizing my original plan. I am also so very happy for all of my friends who DID cross that proverbial finish line today. We all came to nursing school for different reasons. Some right out of high school, some who started college but never finished, some with military backgrounds, some who need to support their families financially....I do not fit any of these molds. I was bored and needed a change. And a change I got. So no matter if my diploma says May or December, I DID this!
I am also humbled by how much knowledge has been instilled into my seemingly saturated brain. This is no ordinary 2-year degree. They cram stuff in until the gyri and sulci (those are your brain folds) seem to come undone and then they keep going....I felt like I was about to explode. And I did. All over today's final exam. And most of it came out right!
A few weeks ago we took a 180 question exam which was a comprehensive exam based on what our board exam will be like. I was fully impressed with how much I know!! What a great feeling it is to feel confident that not only have you chosen something you enjoy, but something that comes with such great and vast knowledge, that it just pours out of you when you need it. I guess those 'gate keepers,' as good friend of mine refers to them as, really do know what is best for us.
I am thankful for every tear I have shed over this time. Whether they were of sheer terror or joy, they helped shape me in some way. We could probably fashion a pretty good sized pond with all the tears the 100 +/- of us have shed over this time. Nobody told us this would be easy. We stuck together and held our heads high. Those of us who took the high road, will now reap the benefits of this new and exciting chapter...for me, it means going back to work and finishing up school, for some it means continuing onto the BSN, some getting a job and some just taking a well-earned break.
Whatever it means to each personally, it also means this leg of your journey is complete. And you never stand alone. There will always be a class of people who went through this with you. And they will always understand what it was like and how you ROCKED IT!!!
Today is a day of greatly mixed emotions for me. I am thrilled to be where I am, yet sad for where I could be all at the same time. See, this was supposed to be the final hurdle, and it is not. And while the choices I have made have helped me to get where I stand today, they also hold me back from realizing my original plan. I am also so very happy for all of my friends who DID cross that proverbial finish line today. We all came to nursing school for different reasons. Some right out of high school, some who started college but never finished, some with military backgrounds, some who need to support their families financially....I do not fit any of these molds. I was bored and needed a change. And a change I got. So no matter if my diploma says May or December, I DID this!
I am also humbled by how much knowledge has been instilled into my seemingly saturated brain. This is no ordinary 2-year degree. They cram stuff in until the gyri and sulci (those are your brain folds) seem to come undone and then they keep going....I felt like I was about to explode. And I did. All over today's final exam. And most of it came out right!
A few weeks ago we took a 180 question exam which was a comprehensive exam based on what our board exam will be like. I was fully impressed with how much I know!! What a great feeling it is to feel confident that not only have you chosen something you enjoy, but something that comes with such great and vast knowledge, that it just pours out of you when you need it. I guess those 'gate keepers,' as good friend of mine refers to them as, really do know what is best for us.
I am thankful for every tear I have shed over this time. Whether they were of sheer terror or joy, they helped shape me in some way. We could probably fashion a pretty good sized pond with all the tears the 100 +/- of us have shed over this time. Nobody told us this would be easy. We stuck together and held our heads high. Those of us who took the high road, will now reap the benefits of this new and exciting chapter...for me, it means going back to work and finishing up school, for some it means continuing onto the BSN, some getting a job and some just taking a well-earned break.
Whatever it means to each personally, it also means this leg of your journey is complete. And you never stand alone. There will always be a class of people who went through this with you. And they will always understand what it was like and how you ROCKED IT!!!
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