Auld Lang Syne

As we move into a new year full of hope and promise, you will not hear me utter the phrase 'auld lang syne.' Loosely translated, this term means 'for the sake of old times.' I am all about forward movement and not looking back. While I treasure certain memories, I am not someone who looks back upon the past and dwells. I also do not block out sadness, but rather accept it as a part of forward motion. I always look forward to the future. To me, the future is like a clean slate or a freshly new-fallen snow. We cannot ever predict exactly how it will go, but the possibilities are endless.

In this upcoming 2012, I look forward to completing nursing school, watching my son grow and seeing my husband's career continue to flourish with promise. Other than that, I have no idea what the year holds. And that is fine with me.....some will be good, some will not, and some will be wonderful....they can happen in any order and in any proportion, but I am ready.

In fact, instead of my yearly resolution to lose weight and get healthy...yada, yada, yada....I have been working on a Bucket List. This list will serve as a list of goals to attain as well as a checklist of all of the wonders the year will hold for me. Some will be fulfilled and others will remain unchecked for the future. What's on your Bucket List for 2012?

Here's to a year filled with experiences to springboard into the future in the hopes of forward motion....no dwelling, only the promise of tomorrow....I hope it's a great one for us all...

Phases of life

I am very blessed to be constantly surrounded by people in all different phases of their lives.  This is due in part to being an adult college student, my husband working closely with people at the peak of their careers and also in part to friends of ours taking their lives at a different pace than we have.

I feel like this is an invaluable opportunity for my husband and I. While many of us, just by default, are surrounded with individuals of similar age and conviction whether it be due to religious groups, employment status, education, our children's playmates, etc; we as people tend to be attracted to people of our similar age group and interests.

Currently, we have several friends expecting their first children, some their third of fourth, some hoping they will conceive at all, others having sent children off to the military or college in recent months, some waiting to become engaged to marry or those still seeking a partner in life. While some of them come to us for guidance and advice, we also look to the ones who have 'been there' to help us shape our next steps as a family and in our careers.

Many of our friends are in similar places in life to us, by virtue of having met them through our children, but there is even much variance among that group of friends. Some have chosen to stay home with their babies and are now returning to the work force, others are just deciding to stay home now and others (like me) still are not sure what path their lives may take. Some are SAH moms, some are SAH dads, some never stopped working.

I feel very fortunate to count so many different types of people among our friends. It gives so much dimension to us as boring, career-driven individuals. It helps to reign us back in when we forget that family is first, and gives us that extra push we need to take a leap of faith and try something new.

If you are reading this and you know me, you have probably inspired this entry in some way even if very small. If I ever ask you what it is like to be in your situation, please do not be offended. I am genuinely interested and just want to consider every angle. I never want to have blinders on and forget that every person's journey is their own and how they arrived there is multi-faceted. Each phase of life is crucial and shapes what is to come. Thank you for inspiring my journey!

Next?

As my winter 'break' winds down and I begin thinking about my fourth and final semester of nursing school, I cannot help but wonder 'what's next?' I was all about finding a job and becoming a nurse, and while that is still a goal, I am now pondering what sort of degree within nursing I will pursue next, should I take a break after I graduate and get my family and house settled before I move onto full-time work, etc, etc?

I don't remember this feeling upon graduating as an undergrad in 2000. I had no choice but to find a job and support myself financially. When I finished my masters degree in 2005, I was 5 months pregnant and the plan was for me to take some time off of work to be a SAHM.

It is as if finishing my RN is a formality at this point. Something I am too far invested in to NOT finish. Although, part of me feels like I could walk away from it all guilt-free. Does this mean I do not want to be a nurse? No. Not at all. I actually love healthcare and nursing, and look forward to making a difference in the lives of others. It is just that this time, my next chapter is not written out for me. My options are endless. I could pop out some more babies, go straight to work, pursue my volunteer endeavors, begin research and pursue my lifelong goal of becoming published.... It seems as if the possibilities are bottomless. And this stresses me out!!!!!

Maybe my ruby shoes are too tight and I am just so spoiled that I have become aimless. Maybe I am someone who will just NEVER feel settled.....Or maybe I just need to let go a little bit and just let life happen. I can feel the muscles of my neck and shoulders tighten and the migraine creeping in at this very thought, BUT it may be the best decision I will ever make.....just let life happen...*sigh*....NEXT!

Clutter

Let me start out by clarifying that my house is CLEAN and I am not a hoarder by any stretch. I just despise the act of cleaning and feel I lack many organizational skills. Funny thing is, in my professional life I am often told 'you're so organized!' and I can't help but chuckle on the inside.

The worst part of my house is my kitchen island and 'phone desk.' The island is usually 70% clear, since I do use it to prepare food. However, the other 30% is cluttered in papers, magazines and other miscellaneous items that have found their way there. It gets completely cleared at least once every other week when our cleaning girls come in. I have to clear it off or else they will just clean around it. The phone desk is another story. It is about a 3x3 ft section of space next to my refrigerator which is hardly ever clear. When I clear the island, anything I need gets placed in this area. This is my goal to tackle on my 'break' this week. The good thing is, I feel like a majority of what is piled there can be tossed in the trash, since I haven't thoroughly emptied it since the summer.

I am going somewhere with this, I promise....my laundry situation is another story all together, which you can read about in my entry "butt-quack underwear." Our front railing posts are used to hang our coats and we have a pile of frequently worn shoes on a small carpet by our front door. I walk into other people's homes and marvel at how neat everything is. I wonder how they do it....and I just don't think I will ever get there. My point is, I feel as if I have embraced this thing about me. I cringe when a neighbor unexpectedly rings the doorbell and hesitate to set-up play dates, because I don't want to be judged by our coats hanging on the railing. It really is not that big of a deal, and like I said earlier, the house is cleaned top to bottom every other week.

This year, that is all going to change. No, I have not been chosen to be on 'Clean Sweep,' I just realize that this is me. Our house is lived in, comfortable and functional to our revolving door lifestyle...it suits us....rather than spend our precious family time organizing and tidying, we are going to enjoy each other's company and go to the park or the zoo. Our mess will be there when we get back. And if you are going to judge me by the fact that my house is less-than-pristine, you are not my friend anyway. So, feel free to stop by, we want to see you. Just don't mind our clutter ;)

Holiday Hangover

The presents are opened, the food has been served and this mama is BEAT!!! I use the term 'hangover' loosely, because while I did partake in beverages of the alcoholic variety, the excitement of the season and over-indulgence of sweet and rich foods also lead to somewhat of a hangover.

After waking up to a child with a crusty, red eye and taking him to a local urgent care for drops this morning, I came home and just dropped. My husband had cleaned up a good portion of the leftover mess from family dinner the afternoon before and was tired himself, but even he took a good look at me and suggested I go take a nap. I was the kind of tired that would ONLY be resolved by sleep. 

While I enjoy the bustle of the season, I also enjoy the relief I feel when it's all over. Child has a load of new toys, I got some bling, hubby got a couple of new gadgets and now we spend a few days of quiet before we usher in the new year and start it all over again. And I welcome the opportunity to do so!

Family Traditions

I grew up in a family that did not have a rich cultural background. I am a Heinz 57....mostly Polish, with some Irish and French (and I think some Native American thrown in there somewhere.) We didn't have any particular dish or cultural tradition that we celebrated. When I met my husband's extended family, I learned more about the Polish culture from their strong Roman Catholic convictions to traditional Pierogie and Keilbasa holiday dinners. It made me feel as if I had missed out on my own culture and traditions. 

I was faced with this the other day when my 6 year-old asked on the ride home from school 'why don't we have any family traditions?' They had discussed it in school, in particular a Jewish boy in his class had explained their Hanukah traditions and other children chimed in with things their families do during the holiday season. My heart sank as I realized I had done nothing to stop the cycle of feeling a lack of tradition. So, I sucked up my pride in preparation to back pedal and change the subject, when to my great surprise spouted off a list of 'traditions' that not only our family currently does, but things that I did as a kid as well. 

I explained that we bake the same cookies each year, go to church on Christmas Eve, enjoy a prime rib dinner with his grandma, grandpa and uncle and see my husband's parents, brother and wife a few days before or after the holiday. We leave out snacks for Santa and his reindeer on Christmas Eve and open presents Christmas morning. Then there are traditions such as year-end donations to organizations we hold near to our hearts, donating hats and gloves to giving trees and other ways we share our bounty. While these traditions may not have any cultural, spiritual, or 'organized' aspect to them, they are ours. 

So, even if I can count watching "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" every Thanksgiving weekend to kick off the holiday season, it is still a tradition.

With this, I wish you and yours a magical holiday filled with traditions new and old....I look forward to enjoying ours :)

The Christmas Letter

Last Christmas, in lieu of our traditional photo card, I sent out our first and last "Christmas Letter." Don't get me wrong, I enjoy getting them. One of my BFF's sends one out and I eat up the details of my beloved goddaughter and the adventures I miss living several states apart. Although, the 2-page single-spaced lovely we received from a couple I have never met in person was a bit much...however, keeping in mind 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' I am sure a good portion of their audience enjoyed it.

The reason for our letter last year, was because I had begun nursing school, my husband's nature of work had changed and our son had begun kindergarten. These were things I felt like keeping my extended friends/family in the loop about. The trouble I ran into was trying to not sound like brag-fest 2010 (we had gone to Disney and were sending child to a Montessori school,) and did not want to sound like a pity party (hubby travels, is on-call 24/7 and rarely takes a day off.)

Once I honed in on what I felt like sharing, I pondered whether I should send the letter to EVERYONE on our holiday card list or just ones who are not 'in the loop' of our every day. I opted to send it to everyone, which I still cringe to think about. In a world of facebook, even friends of yesteryear know what we ate for dinner last night....so this is why I will never do it again.

However, as I clicked away ordering our 2011 holiday gem from the Apple store, I couldn't help but ponder what would have gone into this year's manifest. I imagine it would have gone something like this...

Dear Family and Friends,
     We have survived yet another year of insanity. I am back in college full-time and sometimes cry myself to sleep at night. I went to the doctor for a regular check-up and she recommended I go on meds for my anxiety. Hubby works 60+ hours a week and sometimes we don't see him for days at a time. Our dear child began first grade this year!! The first month consisted of him hating it and having a fit EVERY morning and evening, and me considering whether or not we had made the right decision by advancing him. But he is really flourishing now!
      We bought a new car! It is kind of extravagant, but we needed a 'pair and a spare' and felt like something fun to drive. Bets are on me to get the first speeding ticket. AND it shot our insurance rate sky-high! Woot!
       We also added a new family member this year. A lovely hamster that is a lot of fun and only smells a little. The dogs try to eat her, but they haven't yet! We hope this letter finds you healthy, happy and full of joy for the new year.

    Fondly,
Our Family


Just a glimpse into our year...a little brag, a little pity, and a little TMI. Just the right amount of uncomfortable...the perfect Christmas Letter ;)
     

Butt 'quack' underwear

I HATE doing laundry. I hate the entire process. In fact, just the other day I said to my husband that I would have rather scooped my eyes out with a melonballer than fold his whites...okay, a gross exaggeration, but you get my point. 

We have 4 hampers in our house for 3 people, and they are usually all full-overflowing. I am okay with this as long as we all have something decent to wear...and clean underwear. A few months ago, during the height of my semester, my husband was getting dressed for work and to my great horror, I discovered he was wearing the novelty boxers his parents had gotten him as a gag gift on their Alaskan cruise a couple of years ago. Boxers with a few cartoon ducks on the back with the phrase 'BUTT QUACK' scrolled across them. From my not quite conscious vantage point in bed, I managed to shout out 'you're not supposed to ACTUALLY wear those as underwear!!' to which he responded 'I have no clean underwear, what do you want me to do???' At which point, I just burst into laughter not only at the ridiculous boxers, but how desperately I hate doing laundry and how he had come to the desperation of wearing a gag gift under his cargo pants. 

Why doesn't he do his own laundry? Because I prefer he not. Due to the backlog of laundry in our household, it is very annoying to me to go throw in a load and find a nasty load in the washer that has been stewing in moisture for a couple of days because he forgot to switch them to the dryer. So we live in a world where only I utilize the washing machine, unless there is an true emergency....like no clean underwear. 

I warned him that I was going to blog about the 'butt quack phenomenon' sometime in the coming days and while he first bristled with embarrassment, he quickly chuckled at the idea. We live among organized chaos, and we choose to embrace it. It's okay to be flawed...but not having clean underwear is NOT an option ;)

And for my next trick...

I often refer to my to-do list as 'my bag of tricks.' As in 'and for my next trick...' I do not feel I perform any more or difficult tasks than any other mom, but with the added stresses of being a full-time college student and having a work-a-holic husband, it is really a lot some days.

Some days (well, most days) after 4-9 hours of class, I want nothing more than to come home and go to my warm, inviting bed. However, reality forces me to pick up child from school, figure out dinner, fight with child to finish his homework and do my own homework. Sometimes hubby is there, sometimes he is not. Then there are my dogs who bark incessantly if a scoop of chows are not poured into their bowls by exactly 5pm.

I also frequently use the phrase 'you can't make this stuff up!' This comes in handy on the nights when the child agrees to feed the dogs after a 5-minute tantrum and then proceeds to trip and scatter Purina chow across our hardwood floors. Or send him to wash his hands for dinner, only to discover he has rigged the automatic soap dispenser to continuously dump soap down the sides of the sink. These incidents cause me to haphazardly leave dinner on the stove unattended and it's pizza again!

I just can't seem to get it right. Some say I have taken on too much, others say I simply overreact. I think I just need a week in the Caribbean with a blue drink in my hand...so for my next trick, maybe I shall look into just that ;)

The Starter Family

Just a few weeks ago I was offended by a person on facebook who in anticipation of their second child, referred to their current only child situation as a 'starter family.' This really bothered me. At first, I thought of the audacity of this person to inadvertently call my singleton child, husband and I a 'starter family.' Then I cooled down and realized I needed to get over it, after all, they were referring to their own family which they indeed considered to be a 'starter family.'

Yet, here I am weeks later blogging about this term. Is this a term people use? Are families with one child like a bike with training wheels?? Do I not intend on having any more children because I have failed at this one and cannot move forward? Or do I truly want to pursue my career and educational endeavors which do not allow time for pregnancy or *gasp* an infant in our home?? These thoughts were followed up with my 6 year-old proclaiming in the check-out line of the grocery store that he is asking Santa for a sister for Christmas....am I WRONG to intentionally have an only child???

Asking a woman when she is going to have another baby is like asking a newlywed couple when they are going to start having kids. You just don't. It is too personal, invasive and rude. Yet, I get asked all the time. Then there is my favorite comment 'well, it is different when you only have one.' Are my husband and I lesser parents since we haven't popped out a gaggle of children and crammed them into our 4-bedroom house?? No. Are we wrong for wanting to provide our child with a private education, which we may not be able to afford if we add more to our family? No. This is our choice.

Am I overly sensitive about this? Resoundingly, yes. I admire families who choose to fill their house with the pitter patter of many little feet....it is just not for me...therefore, we are not a 'starter family.' We are 'our family.'

The Well-Rounded Mom

I consider myself a well-rounded individual. I am first a hands-on mom, wife who puts dinner on the table (most nights,) has been in the professional world and am currently working on my third college degree in my second major while volunteering for various community wellness organizations. I am also physically well-rounded thanks to stress-eating and my love of fermented beverages.

It is funny to me how I look at other moms and compare myself to them. Every single one of them. And I always feel I am inadequate. Maybe I didn't stay home long enough? Maybe I should have waited until he was older until I went back to school? Maybe I should volunteer in the classroom more? Maybe I shouldn't allow him to watch some of the shows he watches on tv? And the list goes on...I never feel like I add up to the 'other moms.' Why do I do this? My child is healthy, bright (maybe even more intelligent than the average 6 year-old,) he plays the violin and rock climbs, likes to read, we do educational activities together...

It is because I am a mom-and a well-rounded one at that...mommy guilt is the worst variety of guilt life has to offer....