Simplify

I am trying to turn over a new leaf in our house. One of simpler times. One that includes spending more time in our home, not running around like crazy. With the exception of things we have to do like school, work, dr and therapy appointments, we have few other commitments outside of baseball and scouts. This allows us much more free time in our home.

I am even going so far as to re-purpose rooms in our house for hanging out. We are creating a reading/music room, a rec room in the basement. I look forward to working out in the yard this spring and summer to create a more inviting space with a garden, cozier furniture for gathering 'round the chiminea, etc.

I am trying to destroy this notion of "what are we going to do today?" The answer will already be there. You may read, play in the yard, jump on your trampoline, play with your toys....we do not have to create out of the home activities. We pay a lot of money for our home. Let's use it.

While it will initially cost money to re-create these spaces within our home, when we think about how much less we will spend on out of the home activities, the home improvements feel like a no-brainer. Imagine what we will save on gas, admission prices, impulse purchases, etc.

We have started small, in the past week by eating most of our meals at home rather than out, and letting the kiddo stay in his pj's for longer on days we are home. By not creating the hustle and bustle of 'starting our day,' the whole atmosphere is more relaxed and flowed with a 'we'll get there when we get there attitude.'

I have been inspired by friends and neighbors who spend much of their time at home. Their homes are neat, organized and not inundated by stuff. I have even found myself more recently searching for items in my home to re-purpose, rather than go out and purchase something. Even things as simple as gift wrap and cards can be invented from items we have in our home. Last week we baked based on ingredients we already had in the pantry and fridge.

I realize I am not spouting rocket science, and many of my readers have already been doing this all along. But it is new to us, and still exciting. I am sure boredom will hit, and I am certainly not ruling out vacations and trips to museums, movies, etc. It is just that in the typical day-to-day we are simplifying. I have more than I realized already at my fingertips. It is very refreshing!

Phone calls

I remember being a kid and going totally bonkers with my brother anytime my mom was on the phone. It was as if the word "hello?" triggered permission to do whatever we wanted with no repercussions. As if we thought she was transported into some alternate universe where she could no longer hear or see what we were up to. 

Well, now my kid (and dogs) do the same thing to me...ten-fold. Picking up the phone to do anything other than checking email or texting elicits every need my child has at any given moment to flood to his urgent surface. It is the exact moment he needs food or drink seemingly to survive, the dogs need to pee RIGHT THEN, and some random toy breaks into a gajillion pieces. Really?!

I use the phone for speaking rarely and sparingly because of this. How can these things transpire in the exact millisecond I begin forming the sound "h-" with my voice? If by rare chance I make it past the initial "hello," I often am asked if I "have people over" because it is so noisy. Nope. Just my ONLY child and my two 10-pound dogs and me trying to talk to you. 

The best part is that as soon as I say something like "well, I should be going" or something of the like, the kiddo panics and begs me NOT to hang up. Which leads me to further believe that he really does believe he is invincible and without consequence as long as I feebly attempt to accomplish something via phone. 

So, if you need to chat, I'll catch ya after we have him moved into his dorm room.....as long as the dogs don't start their pee-pee dance. For now, I shall leave it at 'text me.' ;)

Sharing and needs

I have decided to hit the blog again as "The Well-Rounded Mom," as my life has taken an unexpected turn. To recap my past several months, I have successfully completed nursing school, passed boards and am officially an RN. (Yay!) I got a job right out of school, which was fantastic, but I have had to resign.

Reality has hit, and an epiphany inspired by a conversation with a school psychologist has kicked me into full mom-mode. I have decided to take some time to be a full-time mom. He deserves it. He needs it.

My 7 year-old kiddo is diagnosed as having anxiety and sensory processing disorder. The by-product of these diagnoses is a super-sensitive kiddo who is affected  by everything in his environment. He is a "sensory seeker," meaning he seeks sensory stimulation in the forms of jumping, touching EVERYTHING, sticking objects in his ears, etc...the fun never ends in this house. He craves structure, routine and consistency, and providing that for him IS my full-time job at the moment. I feel for moms who have to work to make ends meet financially, while having a child like mine. Providing routine, getting to therapies and planning each detail of your kiddo's day down to the minute is exhausting and time consuming. And in addition to the planning, the kid is always into something...I use that phrase "into something" all of the time, because I have no other way to describe it. He just always is exploring and seeking, and anything may strike him. "Stop getting into things!" is my typically exacerbated plea.

Some may think or say "why does she share this??" I share this because there is no shame in it. It is what it is (another favorite phrase.) Cognitive and mental "illnesses" are the same as any other illness affecting the body. The stomach bug makes you vomit, neuro and brain illnesses cause your brain to work in a different way. End of story. I see plenty of people sharing the details of their respiratory, GI dysfunctions, and even cancer in public forums. Let's talk about our brains and nervous systems. We all have them.

I also hate the term "special needs." We all have needs. All of us. So why are my kiddo's needs special? They're not really. They are just his needs, like you have yours. And this is my point. This is our row to hoe. We embrace it.

Milestone

I have hit a major milestone in my war against being a work-out-of-the-home mom who regularly suffers from mommy guilt. I finally have let go. What did I let go of? The things that do not make or break me as a parent, student, employee, etc. I have been working 30+ hour weeks at all hours of the day. Day shift, evening shift, overnight shift....you name it and I have worked it in the course of the past 7 days. I have worked every day for at least 4 hours for the past 3 weeks. That means not a day has gone by without needing to be at school or at work at a specific time. For 3 weeks/21 days...while this may not sound extraordinary by any stretch, considering there are people in this world who never have a day off and work more than one job. But when I am not at school or at work, I am busy with appointments and evaluations with my son. I will spare details of what we are evaluating to protect his privacy, but we are making fantastic headway in discovering why he is so 'spirited' and has meltdowns on a regular basis.

So anyway, back to letting go...of what and when did I let go?? On Friday I was scheduled to work day shift while child was at school. It turned out I was not needed and they canceled me (so I lied, I had Friday off other than mom taxi.) Since I had worked the night before and didn't get home until 12, and had run around with the kiddo all day to appointments, I was feeling pretty beat. And that's when I had my epiphany. Kid was happily at school, husband was at work and TOLD me to get some rest on my new found 'day off' and the messes in my house could wait. The clothes could sit in the dryer, the dishwasher would be unloaded when I needed something and the world would keep on spinning.While I am fortunate to have a housecleaner who cleans kitchen, bathrooms and dusts and vacuums every other week, it is the every day stuff like dishes, laundry and grocery shopping that I fall behind on. Even with help, I cannot do it all. But on Friday, what I realized was what I had to deal with was more cosmetic than sanitary. Nothing bad would happen if I did not completely catch up on chores.

I tried to go back to bed, but that was just too much. I felt lazy. But lying on the couch with nothing but mindless Internet surfing and TV was just what the doctor ordered. I have been feeling too stressed out and wound up to sleep lately, plus with my random hours sleep has been elusive. But mindless rest was perfect. Other than making a few phone calls and lining up appointments, I did nothing. Glorious nothing.

I picked up kid from school at 3:00, we ordered in Chinese for dinner and I went to bed early. It was awesome! Saturday morning, I woke up at 8:30 (which is unheard of for me, since I am up and out of the house by at least 730 every other day of the week) and I was excited to enjoy a beautiful fall day with my family. We spent the day out and about and I came home for a nap and headed out for my night shift (hence the middle of the night post.)

I call this a milestone because it has taken me nearly my entire tenure as a nursing student-slash-mom to realize that I am doing a pretty damn good job at balancing 'everything.' Sure, I fall apart sometimes and miss things in my kid's backpack, but I am getting it all done. On my time. I do what needs to be done when it needs to be and everything else can wait until I get around to it. I feel like if I can keep on this track, I will be happier, rest easier, and be a better mom, student and employee. Here's hoping for a new trend :)

Happy New Year!

Tomorrow, my son begins second grade. I am left to wonder where has the time gone?? I do not mean this in a weepy, my baby is growing so fast sort of way, but rather in a really where has the time gone kind of way??

I feel like just yesterday I was living in my college campus apartment with my 4 roomies fighting over whose turn it is to wash dishes or buy toilet paper. Now, here I am 12 years later married with a kid and working on my second college degree PAST that one I was working on then.

I feel so fortunate to be able to look upon my life fondly, as many people have such hurtful pasts. I must give myself some credit for the work and dedication I have invested in myself and my family, but I also credit those around me who support all my crazy ideas and 'IT MUST ALL BE DONE NOW OR SOONER!' personality.

For me, the year runs from August-June. July and August are mere formality as we laze in the summer heat, and January is just another flip of the calendar to me. I look forward to the next few months, moving into the holiday season and FINALLY moving on into my new career. Come January, a new year will only be a number, but my life will finally be on its new path. Working in a career I love, with a kid in school and a blank slate to welcome whatever is next in store for me. I have some ideas, of course, but it is not in my nature to commit until the time comes.

But, DANG! Time really does fly. As many kiddos I know head back to school tomorrow or the following Monday, I wish you all a Happy New Year! Despite obstacles that may fling your way, ultimately YOU are in control of the path you take and the way you feel about it. The best vague, yet invaluable encouragement I have ever received is 'go do good things!' Ok, then! Don't mind if I do :)

Last leg

Tomorrow at 0700, I take the first steps on the final leg of the wildest and most fulfilling ride I have ever embarked on. It all began 3 summers ago when I was recovering from a reconstructive foot surgery and was online job hunting. Nothing in my field at the time was appealing to me and the wheels started turning. Somehow, I got into researching nursing degrees and 6 months later, I was a pre-clinical student taking my basic anatomy & physiology classes.

Nursing school itself is not my 'wildest ride,' but the fact that I did it in my thirties, making a total career change and with a child in tow. It has been a real game changer for me. I am happier, look forward to having a job and most importantly have a new found realization of just how strong and smart I am. I would have never realized my capacity to understand and love science and how the human body works. I also learned that stepping out of your comfort zone is very freeing, and I highly recommend it to everyone.

I feel a great sense of closure going into this final semester. This is the way it was supposed to go. I am in a great place and am ready to greet the challenges that lie ahead with a come hither attitude. I am not afraid. What will be, will be and I will adapt.

For the next 15 weeks, I will do my best to persevere, and be the best damn student nurse I can be. I will hold the attitude that I am capable and will not let anyone make me feel otherwise. After all, I have come this far and this was not for the faint of heart. Most importantly, I will do this for my family. If I am happy and confident and proud, I will lead by example. An example I am proud to set for my young son. An example that makes my husband proud to have a crazy spitfire of a wife.

I am buckled in, scrubs ready to go....I am off to help people feel better in their time of need....what a cool job! :)

'Do it all!'

I feel like as I approach my mid-30's, babies are the new weddings. My fridge is a revolving door of shower invites and newborn announcements. When we were in our mid-20's, that same fridge was a landing spot for wedding shower, bachelor/bachelorette, and wedding invites. It is funny how things change. 

However, it has me thinking...why did I do everything when I did? Most of my friends are around my age, give or take a few years. Yet, I was married first and have a kiddo going into the second grade while most of my friendly counterparts are seeking out preschools or taking birthing classes. 

Granted, some of these babies are second, third or (GULP!) fourth children, but even their elder kids are younger than mine. Why was I in such a hurry?? At the same time, most of these mamas are ready to take some time off or work after having had their careers for 10-15 years by now. I am only beginning in that sense. Which leaves me with the question, when did I become THAT girl?!? The one who has the kid(s) and then stalks out into the career force. Not for lack of education, or jobs to support my younger self, mind you. I just felt driven to 'DO IT ALL!' then like I have that same drive in a different way to 'DO IT ALL!' now. But did I 'DO IT ALL!' backwards?

Most of my male friends married and had kiddos later also. Likely because the women-folk weren't ready and waited it out, unlike me. I do not think I am in a bad place, I am just pondering how I got here. And wondering if I am the only one who is wondering where the time has gone and why I spent it the way I did. 

I adore my child. He is exceptionally bright, witty, and gives me something to ponder each and every day. In fact, while I predicted his math skills would surpass mine by the third grade, I was wrong. First going into second grade has done it. I shut down when he asked me to refresh his memory of the Fibonacci sequence just the other day. But none of this takes away from the fact that I am still me, and I can still wonder when I ended up on the path I did. 

I am curious to see what our next generation trends toward. My generation seems to have taken the 'I will do it all' attitude with careers first and then loads of babies (not me. I am still confused.) Perhaps, this next generation will study abroad on Mars and have alien babies?