Refreshed

I am feeling more "well-rounded" than normal today. And this time it is not because my muffin top has expanded. It is because I had the greatest impromptu "conversation" on facebook last night with two dear (understatement) friends of mine from college (undergrad.)

The best word I can think of to describe it is "refreshed." Admittedly, I am totally the guy with the beer gut and receding hairline at the 20 year-reunion reliving the one awesome play I had on the football field. The awesome one with the plaque commemorating it in the athletic display case of the front hall of the building. I still wear the jacket, albeit tight and tattered, and I still can remember how I felt when I realized everyone was cheering for me. Some people are over it and tired of my play-by-play, some are indifferent, but some jump right in with me and replay the moment. Except in reality, this moment was my 4 years away at college. I made some of the best friends, had the most collective amount of fun, and made memories that I will take to the grave with me.

Yesterday was a day full of chaos. Sick kid, both parents needed at work, executed a changing of the guards, and hubby as usual late to come home because of a dinner meeting. The weekend was spent tidying the house, finishing second grade homework, kid-tastic Halloween fun and dinner at the in-laws. Livin' the dream. I did not feel stressed, or put out. It just was. That is just what life currently is. A place where I am my husband's wife and my child's mom, or "the nurse at my school!" I am very rarely ever "just" me, in feeling or in recognition by others. And that is ok.

But these random bursts of "remember when?!" get me through. They give me pause and I realize that "I" am still here. This is not me saying I am unhappy or bored. What I have accomplished since my hayday of social peak is amazing to me. I am proud of every accomplishment in creating my own family, building a home, academic achievements, community outreach, etc,  I have had in these past 13 (ew) years.

Most of my friends from "back in the day" are also married, raising families, established in careers (or changing them.) We all have matured and nurture our offspring. We love our spouses, although most of us were not with that spouse at the time. Things change, people grow, but memories remain. And linger. And still have the ability to make me laugh til I cry as we rehash the ridiculous, often dramatic events that played out. One thing that was referenced within this conversation, was how the post-event gatherings at breakfast (or lunch) the next day where we would share each of our own recollections of the previous night were often more fun than when the events were actually occurring. The good stuff. The laugh-til-your-stomach-hurt-and-you-can-no-longer-form-words stuff. That's what is left. The negative drama is erased and we can live in the moment as adults seeing ourselves as "crazy kids." Awesome. And totally refreshing.

Thanks for the memories, friends :)

Helicopter

Recently, I saw someone on facebook "jokingly" refer to a parent as a "helicopter parent" and I became offended. This is a very dangerous term, and parents should not have to feel ashamed to speak on behalf of their children.

According to Wikipedia, the definition of a "helicopter parent" is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent)

I find this terminology offensive. Parents SHOULD pay extremely close attention to their child(ren)'s experiences and problems. PARTICULARLY at educational institutions. While I do feel that some parents cross a line at times, I also feel that often times some parents are afraid to speak up or "hover" and their children may suffer for it. 

When did we become a society that criticizes parents' involvement in their child(ren)'s education? I have never been called a helicopter parent (not to my face anyway,) but by wiki definition, I AM one. And I am proud of it. The short version of a long story, is that I have a child with high-functioning Autism. He is bright, energetic, full of life, and I will be his voice for everything he needs. But I teach him along the way. Someday he will need to advocate for himself. Someday he will outlive me. He needs to grow his own voice. But how can he learn to advocate for himself if he doesn't know how to or what is worth advocating for?

Do I storm into the school and demand meetings with teachers? No. Do I complain about test scores and accuse educators of not teaching well enough? No. Do I complain to teachers about homework? No. These are all expected trials and tribulations of the school culture. 

However, if my child is eligible for services that will help his ability to learn and function in a school setting, you bet your bippy I'll be the first one in line making sure he receives what he needs. If someone disagrees with me I do not yell. I do not send seething emails. I do research and find evidence to support my request and present it within the proper chain of command. And you know what?? I have been thanked and commended for this on multiple occasions by educators and specialists in our school. 

I pay extremely close attention to my child's experiences and problems (particularly in educational institutions) and I think we all should. I do not intend to call his college professors and complain when I do not agree with their grading or policies. However, I am teaching my son how to advocate so that he can do it for himself when the time comes. If something is not fair or right, we SHOULD advocate for ourselves and our children and NOT feel badly about it.

While I refuse to view my actions in a negative light, I do often find myself feeling badly that I am making more work for someone, or that I am being "that" parent for being involved. I have had discussions with other parents who feel like something was unjust in the classroom and they are afraid to say anything. "I don't want to be "that" parent," they say. I always encourage them to go with their gut and speak up. My personal policy is to sleep on it. Even type the angry email and delete it. Just to get it out. Then once clarity sets in, I have a clear mind to deal with the issue at hand in a calm and efficient manner. Problems get solved this way. 

So, call me what you want. I say advocate, you may say helicopter. But remember, some people say to-mah-to, and calling the whole thing off just isn't an option sometimes. 

Fender Bender

Hubby took the kiddo to Home Depot this morning to their first Saturday of the month kids' workshop for kiddo to make a bird feeder. Shortly after they left, I got a call from him that nobody was hurt, but they got into a minor fender bender. Car is damaged and needs repaired, but it is drivable and he was still headed to Home Depot.

He was calm, I was calm...neither of us seemed really bothered by the fact that the car was damaged. Kiddo came home and told me all about "the crash!" that occurred at a speed of less than 5mph with great enthusiasm. And we laughed about it. And it hit me. We are blessed, and didn't even need to remind ourselves this time. I think the strife we are dealing with in trying to do what is best for kiddo and his behavioral and learning needs, is actually teaching us something. Recently, someone was telling me something their kiddo was struggling with and it was hard, but "God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle." And I remember thinking, she's better than me because I feel beaten down by our situation. But today, I realized I am handling things. I may not be religious, or think anyone is handing me anything in life, but I am starting to finally roll with the punches and deal with things as they come.

We filed our claim, will see the adjuster this week, and get the car fixed. We will continue working with therapists and treatment team for the kiddo and get him what he needs. We are content and we are dealing. We are ok.

It was a weird way to come around to believing it, but now I do believe "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And for that, I am thankful.

Under the bus

So, my kid totally threw me under the bus yesterday at his annual physical (yeah, he just turned 7 1/2, but I am that awesomely organized that we missed his 7 year...whatevs, he's fine.) Here's the back story:

On Sunday afternoon, we went out to dinner with my brother, and the departure was somewhat chaotic, giving him directions, the kid not wanting to say goodbye, kid misbehaving in a parking lot...I got in the passenger side and had my purse and a hoodie across my lap. Hubby wrestles kiddo into his booster and we pull out of the parking lot. I shifted and realized in a panic I had never put on my seatbelt. I consider myself to be a non-judgemental person, but I will fight you hard core about the importance of seatbelts and helmets...Two shifts as a student nurse in a trauma neuro unit and working as an RN in a neuro recovery unit will do that to ya....I am never one to not buckle up.

I exclaimed "AH! I never put my seatbelt on!" and immediately buckled up. We then discussed how dangerous that was even for a short minute, and moved on...or so I thought.

As part of the physical the next day, the pediatrician runs down a list of safety issues that would pertain to the child's age. "You should always be in a booster seat with a seatbelt whenever you are in the car, right?" The answer? "Yeah, but my mom doesn't always wear HER seatbelt." The pediatrician turns to me with a disapproving look in his eyes as I nervously laugh and give a quick synopsis of the day before....he wasn't buying it. He then explained to my kid how he should remind his mom to always buckle up if she forgets. This guy totally thinks I am a repeat offender...AWESOME!

Oh well...at least it was reinforced how important seatbelts are and what a dolt mom was for not putting hers on...even if it was just one remote incident, I promise you. Buckle up!!

Simplify

I am trying to turn over a new leaf in our house. One of simpler times. One that includes spending more time in our home, not running around like crazy. With the exception of things we have to do like school, work, dr and therapy appointments, we have few other commitments outside of baseball and scouts. This allows us much more free time in our home.

I am even going so far as to re-purpose rooms in our house for hanging out. We are creating a reading/music room, a rec room in the basement. I look forward to working out in the yard this spring and summer to create a more inviting space with a garden, cozier furniture for gathering 'round the chiminea, etc.

I am trying to destroy this notion of "what are we going to do today?" The answer will already be there. You may read, play in the yard, jump on your trampoline, play with your toys....we do not have to create out of the home activities. We pay a lot of money for our home. Let's use it.

While it will initially cost money to re-create these spaces within our home, when we think about how much less we will spend on out of the home activities, the home improvements feel like a no-brainer. Imagine what we will save on gas, admission prices, impulse purchases, etc.

We have started small, in the past week by eating most of our meals at home rather than out, and letting the kiddo stay in his pj's for longer on days we are home. By not creating the hustle and bustle of 'starting our day,' the whole atmosphere is more relaxed and flowed with a 'we'll get there when we get there attitude.'

I have been inspired by friends and neighbors who spend much of their time at home. Their homes are neat, organized and not inundated by stuff. I have even found myself more recently searching for items in my home to re-purpose, rather than go out and purchase something. Even things as simple as gift wrap and cards can be invented from items we have in our home. Last week we baked based on ingredients we already had in the pantry and fridge.

I realize I am not spouting rocket science, and many of my readers have already been doing this all along. But it is new to us, and still exciting. I am sure boredom will hit, and I am certainly not ruling out vacations and trips to museums, movies, etc. It is just that in the typical day-to-day we are simplifying. I have more than I realized already at my fingertips. It is very refreshing!

Phone calls

I remember being a kid and going totally bonkers with my brother anytime my mom was on the phone. It was as if the word "hello?" triggered permission to do whatever we wanted with no repercussions. As if we thought she was transported into some alternate universe where she could no longer hear or see what we were up to. 

Well, now my kid (and dogs) do the same thing to me...ten-fold. Picking up the phone to do anything other than checking email or texting elicits every need my child has at any given moment to flood to his urgent surface. It is the exact moment he needs food or drink seemingly to survive, the dogs need to pee RIGHT THEN, and some random toy breaks into a gajillion pieces. Really?!

I use the phone for speaking rarely and sparingly because of this. How can these things transpire in the exact millisecond I begin forming the sound "h-" with my voice? If by rare chance I make it past the initial "hello," I often am asked if I "have people over" because it is so noisy. Nope. Just my ONLY child and my two 10-pound dogs and me trying to talk to you. 

The best part is that as soon as I say something like "well, I should be going" or something of the like, the kiddo panics and begs me NOT to hang up. Which leads me to further believe that he really does believe he is invincible and without consequence as long as I feebly attempt to accomplish something via phone. 

So, if you need to chat, I'll catch ya after we have him moved into his dorm room.....as long as the dogs don't start their pee-pee dance. For now, I shall leave it at 'text me.' ;)

Sharing and needs

I have decided to hit the blog again as "The Well-Rounded Mom," as my life has taken an unexpected turn. To recap my past several months, I have successfully completed nursing school, passed boards and am officially an RN. (Yay!) I got a job right out of school, which was fantastic, but I have had to resign.

Reality has hit, and an epiphany inspired by a conversation with a school psychologist has kicked me into full mom-mode. I have decided to take some time to be a full-time mom. He deserves it. He needs it.

My 7 year-old kiddo is diagnosed as having anxiety and sensory processing disorder. The by-product of these diagnoses is a super-sensitive kiddo who is affected  by everything in his environment. He is a "sensory seeker," meaning he seeks sensory stimulation in the forms of jumping, touching EVERYTHING, sticking objects in his ears, etc...the fun never ends in this house. He craves structure, routine and consistency, and providing that for him IS my full-time job at the moment. I feel for moms who have to work to make ends meet financially, while having a child like mine. Providing routine, getting to therapies and planning each detail of your kiddo's day down to the minute is exhausting and time consuming. And in addition to the planning, the kid is always into something...I use that phrase "into something" all of the time, because I have no other way to describe it. He just always is exploring and seeking, and anything may strike him. "Stop getting into things!" is my typically exacerbated plea.

Some may think or say "why does she share this??" I share this because there is no shame in it. It is what it is (another favorite phrase.) Cognitive and mental "illnesses" are the same as any other illness affecting the body. The stomach bug makes you vomit, neuro and brain illnesses cause your brain to work in a different way. End of story. I see plenty of people sharing the details of their respiratory, GI dysfunctions, and even cancer in public forums. Let's talk about our brains and nervous systems. We all have them.

I also hate the term "special needs." We all have needs. All of us. So why are my kiddo's needs special? They're not really. They are just his needs, like you have yours. And this is my point. This is our row to hoe. We embrace it.