Helicopter

Recently, I saw someone on facebook "jokingly" refer to a parent as a "helicopter parent" and I became offended. This is a very dangerous term, and parents should not have to feel ashamed to speak on behalf of their children.

According to Wikipedia, the definition of a "helicopter parent" is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent)

I find this terminology offensive. Parents SHOULD pay extremely close attention to their child(ren)'s experiences and problems. PARTICULARLY at educational institutions. While I do feel that some parents cross a line at times, I also feel that often times some parents are afraid to speak up or "hover" and their children may suffer for it. 

When did we become a society that criticizes parents' involvement in their child(ren)'s education? I have never been called a helicopter parent (not to my face anyway,) but by wiki definition, I AM one. And I am proud of it. The short version of a long story, is that I have a child with high-functioning Autism. He is bright, energetic, full of life, and I will be his voice for everything he needs. But I teach him along the way. Someday he will need to advocate for himself. Someday he will outlive me. He needs to grow his own voice. But how can he learn to advocate for himself if he doesn't know how to or what is worth advocating for?

Do I storm into the school and demand meetings with teachers? No. Do I complain about test scores and accuse educators of not teaching well enough? No. Do I complain to teachers about homework? No. These are all expected trials and tribulations of the school culture. 

However, if my child is eligible for services that will help his ability to learn and function in a school setting, you bet your bippy I'll be the first one in line making sure he receives what he needs. If someone disagrees with me I do not yell. I do not send seething emails. I do research and find evidence to support my request and present it within the proper chain of command. And you know what?? I have been thanked and commended for this on multiple occasions by educators and specialists in our school. 

I pay extremely close attention to my child's experiences and problems (particularly in educational institutions) and I think we all should. I do not intend to call his college professors and complain when I do not agree with their grading or policies. However, I am teaching my son how to advocate so that he can do it for himself when the time comes. If something is not fair or right, we SHOULD advocate for ourselves and our children and NOT feel badly about it.

While I refuse to view my actions in a negative light, I do often find myself feeling badly that I am making more work for someone, or that I am being "that" parent for being involved. I have had discussions with other parents who feel like something was unjust in the classroom and they are afraid to say anything. "I don't want to be "that" parent," they say. I always encourage them to go with their gut and speak up. My personal policy is to sleep on it. Even type the angry email and delete it. Just to get it out. Then once clarity sets in, I have a clear mind to deal with the issue at hand in a calm and efficient manner. Problems get solved this way. 

So, call me what you want. I say advocate, you may say helicopter. But remember, some people say to-mah-to, and calling the whole thing off just isn't an option sometimes.