Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Refreshed

I am feeling more "well-rounded" than normal today. And this time it is not because my muffin top has expanded. It is because I had the greatest impromptu "conversation" on facebook last night with two dear (understatement) friends of mine from college (undergrad.)

The best word I can think of to describe it is "refreshed." Admittedly, I am totally the guy with the beer gut and receding hairline at the 20 year-reunion reliving the one awesome play I had on the football field. The awesome one with the plaque commemorating it in the athletic display case of the front hall of the building. I still wear the jacket, albeit tight and tattered, and I still can remember how I felt when I realized everyone was cheering for me. Some people are over it and tired of my play-by-play, some are indifferent, but some jump right in with me and replay the moment. Except in reality, this moment was my 4 years away at college. I made some of the best friends, had the most collective amount of fun, and made memories that I will take to the grave with me.

Yesterday was a day full of chaos. Sick kid, both parents needed at work, executed a changing of the guards, and hubby as usual late to come home because of a dinner meeting. The weekend was spent tidying the house, finishing second grade homework, kid-tastic Halloween fun and dinner at the in-laws. Livin' the dream. I did not feel stressed, or put out. It just was. That is just what life currently is. A place where I am my husband's wife and my child's mom, or "the nurse at my school!" I am very rarely ever "just" me, in feeling or in recognition by others. And that is ok.

But these random bursts of "remember when?!" get me through. They give me pause and I realize that "I" am still here. This is not me saying I am unhappy or bored. What I have accomplished since my hayday of social peak is amazing to me. I am proud of every accomplishment in creating my own family, building a home, academic achievements, community outreach, etc,  I have had in these past 13 (ew) years.

Most of my friends from "back in the day" are also married, raising families, established in careers (or changing them.) We all have matured and nurture our offspring. We love our spouses, although most of us were not with that spouse at the time. Things change, people grow, but memories remain. And linger. And still have the ability to make me laugh til I cry as we rehash the ridiculous, often dramatic events that played out. One thing that was referenced within this conversation, was how the post-event gatherings at breakfast (or lunch) the next day where we would share each of our own recollections of the previous night were often more fun than when the events were actually occurring. The good stuff. The laugh-til-your-stomach-hurt-and-you-can-no-longer-form-words stuff. That's what is left. The negative drama is erased and we can live in the moment as adults seeing ourselves as "crazy kids." Awesome. And totally refreshing.

Thanks for the memories, friends :)

Monday, October 21, 2013

Helicopter

Recently, I saw someone on facebook "jokingly" refer to a parent as a "helicopter parent" and I became offended. This is a very dangerous term, and parents should not have to feel ashamed to speak on behalf of their children.

According to Wikipedia, the definition of a "helicopter parent" is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent)

I find this terminology offensive. Parents SHOULD pay extremely close attention to their child(ren)'s experiences and problems. PARTICULARLY at educational institutions. While I do feel that some parents cross a line at times, I also feel that often times some parents are afraid to speak up or "hover" and their children may suffer for it. 

When did we become a society that criticizes parents' involvement in their child(ren)'s education? I have never been called a helicopter parent (not to my face anyway,) but by wiki definition, I AM one. And I am proud of it. The short version of a long story, is that I have a child with high-functioning Autism. He is bright, energetic, full of life, and I will be his voice for everything he needs. But I teach him along the way. Someday he will need to advocate for himself. Someday he will outlive me. He needs to grow his own voice. But how can he learn to advocate for himself if he doesn't know how to or what is worth advocating for?

Do I storm into the school and demand meetings with teachers? No. Do I complain about test scores and accuse educators of not teaching well enough? No. Do I complain to teachers about homework? No. These are all expected trials and tribulations of the school culture. 

However, if my child is eligible for services that will help his ability to learn and function in a school setting, you bet your bippy I'll be the first one in line making sure he receives what he needs. If someone disagrees with me I do not yell. I do not send seething emails. I do research and find evidence to support my request and present it within the proper chain of command. And you know what?? I have been thanked and commended for this on multiple occasions by educators and specialists in our school. 

I pay extremely close attention to my child's experiences and problems (particularly in educational institutions) and I think we all should. I do not intend to call his college professors and complain when I do not agree with their grading or policies. However, I am teaching my son how to advocate so that he can do it for himself when the time comes. If something is not fair or right, we SHOULD advocate for ourselves and our children and NOT feel badly about it.

While I refuse to view my actions in a negative light, I do often find myself feeling badly that I am making more work for someone, or that I am being "that" parent for being involved. I have had discussions with other parents who feel like something was unjust in the classroom and they are afraid to say anything. "I don't want to be "that" parent," they say. I always encourage them to go with their gut and speak up. My personal policy is to sleep on it. Even type the angry email and delete it. Just to get it out. Then once clarity sets in, I have a clear mind to deal with the issue at hand in a calm and efficient manner. Problems get solved this way. 

So, call me what you want. I say advocate, you may say helicopter. But remember, some people say to-mah-to, and calling the whole thing off just isn't an option sometimes.