Pieces

My first week back to school was not so bad. For me, it is much of the same as far as school goes, and maybe even a bit lighter load than I have had to deal with in the past year. It also helps that GRADUATION in MAY is the light at the end of this crazy tunnel! Woo!!!

The thing I am struggling with most is my child's reaction to all of this. He seems to be taking this semester particularly hard. Probably since he has seen me put through the ringer these past 2 years. I wish I could assure him that it is going to be ok, and the end is in sight. I also hope that someday he looks back and realizes that yes, I have done this for me, but also for him. I did not feel fulfilled where I was in my life, and attending nursing school has helped me feel more complete. Not in the sense that motherhood has not 'completed' me, but more like I never was sure what I wanted to be when I 'grew up.' Now I have a path. My child will not be a child forever, and what will I do as he comes into his own and doesn't need me RIGHT by his side anymore? He was already school aged when I hit this full-steam-ahead, and I felt like it would be ok. And it will be and it is, but it is still hard.

I do not consider my needs selfish by any stretch. In fact, part of my drive to learn is propelled by my ambition to reach out and help others. But, I cannot help but wonder if deep down I am looking to reach out to others so I do not have to deal with what is right in front of me? Is it easier to help others than to help myself? Is this a cop-out or am I genuine? I feel genuine, but I am sure a psych expert would have a field day with my brain. Oh well...I shall keep on keepin' on with my heart in the right place. And I shall continue to hope that all of the other pieces fall into place....